Thoughts on Feeding Time

I set my alarm every morning to go off at 5:15am. The reason I do this is because every night, I go to bed thinking that at 5:15am, I will wake up and go to the gym before Simon gets up and before Dion goes to work. Its the perfect time to go to the gym. And every morning, I turn my alarm off, because the thought of running at that time becomes utterly absurd.

The only way I would ever get out of bed this early was if I saw a donut dangling over my head, and this donut moved slowly away from me, forcing me to follow it out of bed and into my workout clothes. Does a donut dangler count as a personal trainer? I could really use a personal trainer. He shouldn't let me eat the donut though. This defeats the purpose of the gym.

The term "feeding time" was coined by my good friend Kara, who struggles along with me, and probably the rest of the female population, with the whole diet and exercise hoopla. Whenever someone tells her that she looks thinner she replies with "Thanks. I'm really hungry". I'm really hungry, too. It makes sense then, that my only motivation to exercise is a donut.

I also believe the plants are hungry. Can I feed my house plants leftover baby formula? They seem to be dying. And I'm always dumping formula down the sink.